you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize