Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
