No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
