I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You are the jesus of drinking
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
