I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
