Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
