I cannot find my penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
