I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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