Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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