my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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