I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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