He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
