I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
