he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
