I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
