Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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