I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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