New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
