the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
