You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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