I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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