I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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