Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
