i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
