using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
