Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
