he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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