I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life