Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?