A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i love accidental penises.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.