I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.