so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her