Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.