his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force