Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights