u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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