I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
