Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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