Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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