Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
