i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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