i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
