That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
