I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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