You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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