Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize