i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
