just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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