I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
