Screwed.edu
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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