I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
