someone threw a dead crab at me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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