If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
