I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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