I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
