if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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