dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
