we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
