So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
