i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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