i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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