Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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