Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is wine microwaveable?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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