last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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