Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
