Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
