I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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